Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
