just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
