There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
