you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
