i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
