In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
