I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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