I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
