shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize