My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
