so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
