It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
