don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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