i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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