We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
