Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
