Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
don't judge my taste in strippers
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
