Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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