you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
