I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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