"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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