this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Randomize
