today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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