please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize