come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
