some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
