I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
