Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
