Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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