You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize