sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
