Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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