I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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