good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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