So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
