hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
