everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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