Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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