So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
