i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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