I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
