He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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