She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
