There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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