WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
