so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize