My hair reeks of homosexuality.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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