I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He better not be in your backpack
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
