your parents love me but you hate me
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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