just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
