Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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