My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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