We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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