question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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