I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize