While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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