I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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