i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
