There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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