We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
