you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
