Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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