Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
