Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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