Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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