Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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