Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
