also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
