Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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