omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
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