Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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