plz talk dirty to me
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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