margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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