Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize