the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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