We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
