these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Of course I have a pirate flag
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
