Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
