smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
