he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
