I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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