State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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