the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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