I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
