We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My vagina is officially offended.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
