i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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