I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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