yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
