I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
