Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
