I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
