Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
