I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize