I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
she smelled like a LAN party
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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