This is not my ceiling
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
