I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I deserve this hangover.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
