I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
