so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i dont even know how to be here
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
