Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
