Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
