Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
