Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize