carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You took a bar mat shot.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
