it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
