My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
